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On a mission to spam the spammers. With spam.

Tuesday, 3 July 2012

UK Compensation Centre

Initial Message:

Date: Thu, 28 Jun 2012 02:34:56 -0400
From: UKCompensationCenter@interesttoday.net
To: the_niesche@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Nick Hart, claim the compensation you deserve for your accident
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How Much Could You Claim?  find out now - click here
Esther Rantzen Says:
"If the injury wasn't your fault,
get the facts about claiming
compensation. Know your rights."
You can claim for:

• Injuries as a driver or passenger
• Injuries as a cyclist or motorcyclist
• Injuries as a bus passenger
• Injuries caused by uninsured drivers
You can claim for:

• Injuries in a private vehicle
• Injuries in a taxi
• Injuries on a bus or train
You can claim if you for:

• Injuries whilst crossing the road
• Injuries through negligent driving
• Injuries in a car park
You can claim for:

• Injuries in dangerous workplaces
• Injuries through inadequate training
• Industrial diseases
You can claim for:

• Exposure to harmful chemicals
• Inhalation of harmful dust
• Injuries from lack of safety equipt.
• Poor or broken ventilation systems
You can claim for:

• Any accident that wasn't your fault
• Injuries sustained in the last 3 years
• No Win - No Fee compensation
• Maximum cash awards
So, how much
could you claim?
find out now - click here
Take our 30 SECOND TEST now.


Dear fly-by-night chancers,
I read your recent email with interest and nervousness-induced adrenaline coursing through my veins (that picture of Esther Rantzen you used is terrifying! Was she sniffing glue before you took it?? She looks like a velociraptor on a caffeine high!). Frankly i'm disgusted, not only with Esther's sinister face but with her assertion that i can claim compensation only "if the injury wasn't my fault". Oh that's just lovely that is, let's exclude self-harmers from our little deal! Let's 'stick the knife in' to self harmers! Let's harm the self harmers on top of their self harming harm! Are you a bunch of compensation sadists?? 
Also, on the subject of Esther Rantzen, my mate Brian down the pub said she once shat into a doner kebab and ate it for a dare. And he saw her flicking cashew nuts at pigeons in Leeds Market one time. Is this the sort of person you want endorsing your seedy attempts to fleece money from people using pseudo-altruistic tactics?? Did you also know that Esther was born without a mouth so surgeons had to graft a horses vagina onto her face and jam a bunch of Tic-Tacs in for teeth?? (This may or may not be true, Brian has been known to be a little wide of the mark sometimes).
Regarding accidents i have had several over the years and i would like to claim for them all please. Below is a list:
Accident number 1!! - I once accidently watched The Darling Buds Of May with David Jason, it was a bit where he said "perfick" too. It felt like i'd been mind raped with a hammer and it made my brain-anus (my brainus??) bleed (file under 'mockneytwatmindrape').
Accident number 2!! - Once, in my teens, i wore what can only be described as 'a really really shit hat' with a dumb badge on one side. I looked a total cunt. It was a complete accident as i meant to wear the blue one with the parrot on the front (file under 'shithat' or 'shat').
Accident number 3!! - I went to Chester Zoo last year and accidently called one of the elephants 'a fucking sherbert fancy' and have felt guilty ever since (file under 'elephantracist').
Accident number 4!! - Pissed on a tramp (file under 'accident?notreally).
I reckon i could get a right wedge for that lot whaddyasay?

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