About Me

On a mission to spam the spammers. With spam.

Tuesday, 16 October 2012


Initial Message:

Date: Mon, 24 Sep 2012 05:22:10 +0100
To: the_niesche@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: I have an exclusive offer just for YOU

I know you love it when you get sent mouth-watering offers and today is your lucky day!

I’d like to personally give you the chance to triple your first deposit at the S.P. Casino with a 200% Welcome Bonus.

So if you want MASSIVE wins, be sure to make full use of this bonus as it can’t last forever.

All you need to do to get your lucrative bonus is click the link below and you’ll automatically qualify for this special offer.


Play today and win big.

Anna Goldenberg
Casino Manager


Greetings Anna,

Well you filthy little minx! If that's not the most sexually charged email i've never received then my name isn't not John Porridge and i haven't not got a wife who isn't called Susan! I was incredibly thrilled and aroused by your email, so much so that my daily wank today was based entirely on the thought of you handing me my 'mouth watering', 'MASSIVE', 'lucrative bonus' (surely a euphemism for 'here's my tits wrapped in clingfilm'. Eh Anna?, Eh? Eh??). I must warn you though, just like your bonus i can't 'last forever' either :(
More like two minutes of frantic rutting with me a red faced mess of hair and sweat jerking away on top of you while you stare distractedly at the ceiling contemplating what colour you're going to paint the bathroom and whether Roy the mechanic has managed to get rid of that irritating squeak from the Volvo. Then 'Heeeeuuuuurrrgggghhhh!' it's all over and you can get back to grooming your dogs vagina.

Now that we have the pleasantries out of the way i thought i'd write you a poem to express my feelings at these grotty smut-laden emails you keep sending me.

Oh Anna G, if you owned a massive tree,
I'd love to take a big shit at the bottom,
And I'd hope that you'd see, that shit on your tree,
As a reminder never to be forgotten,

That my email is pure, not fit for you 'whore',
And not welcome are your offers of credit,
So please i implore, junk emails no more,
Go fuck yourself you presumptuous, irritating, money-grabbing, exploitative fucking cunt. There, i said it.   

You're about as welcome as Jimmy Saville's ashes at a Johnson's baby talcum powder factory.


No comments:

Post a Comment