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On a mission to spam the spammers. With spam.

Wednesday, 5 September 2012


Initial Message:

Date: Sun, 5 Aug 2012 13:56:47 +0800
From: fatimamrs1@voila.fr
Subject: Peace be unto you and Your Family.
Hello Dearest,
May the peace of God/Allah Be Unto You!

I am Mrs. Fatima Iyesa Ismiana from Kuwait. I married to Usman Ismiana of blessed memory who worked with Kuwait embassy in Madrid Spain for nine years before he died in the year 2005. We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted only four days. Before his death he was a very devoted Muslim and I was battling with both cancer and fibroid problems when my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $15million dollars (FIFTEEN million dollars) with an overseas finance and security firm. Presently,

this money is still with finance and security firm. Recently, my doctor told me that I had a terminating illness (cancer) that would last for the next four months. Though what disturbs me most is my stroke sickness, having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to either a Christian organization or good devoted Muslim organization that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here in. I want this organizations or individual to use this money in all sincerity to fund churches/mosque, orphanages, widows, less privileges in the societies and also propagating the word of God and to ensure that the society is better a place to live.

I took this decision because I don't have any child to start from. I don't want my husband hard earned money to be misused by any or an unbeliever because my husband's people are monetary conscious and I have given them enough to take good care of their life. I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an unholy manner hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I don't need any telephone communications but will only give you the contact of my lawyer Barr. Kameela Brown because who is going to assist you in making you the beneficiary of the consignment in the finance and security firm that will bring it to you, May the Almighty God /Allah continue to guide and protect you. Amen.
Yours. faithfully,


Hiya Fats,

I have received your kind offer with thanks and would love to accept but first we need to straighten a few things out. Sorry to hear about your husband being dead and everything but as a muslim rest assured that he's now balls deep in a shit load of angelic virgin pussy and probably having the time of his fucking life! And as you are now near being dead too don't be surprised to find out that when you get to muslim heaven he's ditched you for a bunch of pristine virgins with pigtails and tight asses. Bit of a shitter i know but them's the muslim breaks i'm afraid! Maybe you should ask your god Allan to hook you up with a big-cocked strong man with a moustache like a mutant field mouse when you get up there eh? I wouldn't hold your breath though, from what i hear Allan is a massive shit.
As far as redistribution of your dead-as-fuck husbands money i feel we need to negotioate a little. I'm totally willing to do it, don't get me wrong, it's just that we're fucking inundated with churches and mosques round our end and to be honest Fats i'm sick of the fucking sight of them. I propose instead channeling the money into several ventures for the more needy in society. Check these out and let me know what you think:
  • Strip clubs for dwarfs. As far as i'm aware there aren't any 'dwarf-specific' strip clubs in England at the moment and i'd like to remedy that. I don't mean 'strip clubs that dwarfs can go in', i mean 'strip clubs with dwarf strippers'. For dwarfs, by dwarfs, that sort of thing. Call it something like 'Stubbies' or 'Mutant Vagina Friends'. Or simply 'Dwarftits'. Rest assured i certainly won't go along with the traditional 'animal + colour' combo name that every unimaginative twat of a strip club owner seems to think is necessary in a pathetic attempt to somehow disguise the exact nature of the business. Nope, punters coming into 'Minicunt Dwarf Ass Wine Bar' will be under no illusions thank you very much!  
  • Disabled brothels. Again, a tragic shortage of these about and with the paralympics being on everyone is loving a disabled at the mo so we should strike while the iron's hot! I think it's grossly unfair that disabled women don't get the opportunity to destroy their vaginas with viscious poundings from socially inept monsters every day and seeing as i am an equal opportunities motherfucker i'd like to set this straight.
  • Buying myself a new house with a swimming pool shaped like Mohammed's lovely smiling face and filling it with the blood of 1000 pigs. Now i must stress that this wasn't my idea, Allan just told me to put this 'cos he read the two above and pointed out that you might not consider them entirely 'holy'. He figured that the new house and bloody pool would be a way of establishing my holy credentials. I'm not so sure, but i spoke to Allan and he said 'it'll be fine, muslims and christians love that shit'.
Let me know what you think.

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